just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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