He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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