I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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