sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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