you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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