Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
