you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
