Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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