Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
