I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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