I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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