too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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