hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
