I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
