i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
