I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wear drunk well.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
