they're like a gay fantastic four
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
