Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
