dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
