Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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