It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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