Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
