Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
