so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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