She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
