Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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