I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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