We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
