What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
