He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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