I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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