Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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