if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
