I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
