We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
