Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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