I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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