i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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