i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
