The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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