Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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