is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
