toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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