Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
