PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
