Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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