I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize