Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
