My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
