Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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