Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
