6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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