Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize