Will you blow on my dice?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
