Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
