That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
