you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
