Little spoons don't ask big questions
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
