conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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