Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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