No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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