I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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