Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
