I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize