On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
