Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
honey bunches of taint.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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