So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
