I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
worst night to have a conscience
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
