he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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