I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
