I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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