I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
