The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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