the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dont even know how to be here
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
