oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
