We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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