I'm lost and stupid without you.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
