3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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