there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
