I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
