my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
