Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
