dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize