I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
