i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
