I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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