we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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