I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
