i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
