Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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