woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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