Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize