How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
