yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
