Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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