20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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