I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
