So drunk its hurt
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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