If i come over, it means nothing
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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