My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
