I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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