I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
