I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
