I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
