in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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