I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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