She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize