Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
