We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
