That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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