Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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