Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize