pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
