Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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