I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
