those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
